A virus that won't quit and sleepless nights

Maddox first got sick on Friday, October 11th. Liam came down with the same virus on Thursday, October 17th. Here we are one week and one day from the day Liam got sick and Liam is STILL sick. We have been to the doctor. He is having difficulty breathing, so we have an inhaler and pregnizone to contend with. He is doing well taking the inhaler, but is quite resistant to any liquid medicine at this point. I really, really, really just want him to feel better,

Thankfully, Liam has continued sleeping through the night, despite being sick. Maddox did not and it took him a while to recover from waking up at night. Last night, he finally slept through the night again.

In comes Puggie, who did not sleep through the night. I was up with Puggie for over 2 hours. He was restless and in turn being quite loud, and I could not fall back to sleep.

For those who do not know, we vowed that we would never have a dog who slept in our bed. It is just not for us. Puggie was crate trained right from when he came home with us in 2005. Cut to February 2013. Suddenly, Puggie started crying in the middle of the night. And by crying, I mean a high pitched, crazy screaming dog cry. He essentially was saying, "If you do not come and get me, I will make sure I wake up Maddox and Liam." And after about a week of that, we then had a dog who shared our bed with us.

He is a bed hog. He takes up a ridiculous amount of room for a 23 pound dog in a king size bed. He can have restless nights from time to time. Perhaps it is his allergies, perhaps it is just old age.

So to sum things up, Liam is still sick and I have not had a good nights sleep since October 10th. I find myself being very snippy and woe is me when I do not get enough sleep. Please hang in there with me and offer any bit of encouragement that you can. This Mama is tired.

I am slipping

I am slowly (or quickly), slipping into a woe is me mentality.

I am exhausted.

I have not slept a good nights sleep since Friday, October 12th. The boys have been both been sick throughout that time, resulting in late night wake ups, snuggle sessions, steam bathroom sessions, and pretty much once I am UP, I am doomed for the night.

We have had a few doctor visits, today's resulting in another "scary" parenting moment, when it was discovered Liam was having trouble breathing. A neb treatment later, he is doing better.

We have had car issues. Like so many... like one where I was essentially stranded at the preschool waiting on Joe.

We have had house issues. Like new windows to be installed. Like a ceiling exhaust fan that completely crapped out. And tonight, the discovery of a leak?? around the AC vent in Liam's room.

The boy's have been difficult. Difficult may not even begin to cover it. First we had about 9 days of downpour rain and they have also been sick, so we have been pretty confined to the indoors. Our boys are not indoor boys, like not even close.

I have begun to use the word "like" like I did in high school. Clearly, I am exhausted.

We have love though. We have an amazing support system. We have 2 beautiful boys, who bring us endless happiness. We have apple crisp, because Maddox and I made some, and hey, what can't be cured with a little Fall baking.

Tomorrow is a new day. Liam has some medication now and Maddox is completely over being sick. Maddox still feels the need to be waking up in the middle of the night. I am guessing because he loves me soooo very much and wants to be with me. :-)

I will not slip. I will not be woe is me. We have way too much to be thankful for to become bitter over little stuff like this.

That's all. I just needed to work through all that night. #carryon

Scariest moment yet

At 10:28 this morning I experienced one of my scariest moments of motherhood yet.

We were enjoying some playtime outside. Liam was going up and down the slide and Maddox had set up a construction site behind my chair using part of the grass and part of the patio for his trucks and cones. I was drinking coffee, admiring the sunshine, that we had not seen in nearly a week, what with the buckets of rain mother nature had dumped down on us. I had even just 'Instagrammed" a picture showing the blue skies.

So there is the scene. One son directly in front of me, sliding joyously. The other son, working so hard on his construction site. I turn to ask him how it was coming along, and he was not there. An empty spot in the middle of his site, where he had just been playing. 

Seriously, I think I threw up a little. I jumped up. Screaming for him. I ran to the front of our house and ran around the entire way, making my way to the back of the house again, repeatedly, screaming his name "MADDOX" at the top of my lungs, in shear panic. Checked behind the garage. No Maddox. Suddenly realized, I had left Liam ALONE in the backyard, made my way to him and grabbed him from the slide, STILL screaming Maddox's name and "HELP", pressing the number "9" on my phone, preparing to make what was going to be the worst phone call of my life, to report my 3 year old son missing, the back door opened and out came Maddox, saying "I had to go pee." 

I cried, he cried. We talked about how he needs to tell me when he is going inside. I told him how scared I was. How thankful I was that he was sitting with me the chair. He cried some more. I shook for nearly 30 minutes. Even writing this now, I am shaking. 

We have nice neighbors. We all cordially say "hello". Ask about each others kids. Let each other know when we are heading out of town. No one... no one... checked on us. A midst my screams (and running around our yard like a crazy woman), which our many elderly neighbors I am sure did not hear, but others had to have heard, no one checked on us. I would like to believe everyone was at work... 

I hope I never experience that fear again. 

Fails thus far

Only 11 days into the year, and we have had a few fails.

1. Our main vehicle, used to transport our two children, needed new tires desparately. I
called around, got the best quote, and we had new tires put on the car and onto
a credit card.
2. Having vowed not to pay full price for anything, other than our parishable items weekly, our son ran out of his flouride free toothpaste, and I had to purchase at full price yesterday. It made me very sad. I did not put this purchase on a credit card.
3. We are in our slow season at work, so my paycheck has been about $100.00 less than usual per week, for the last 3 weeks.
4. We have discovered that a change we made to our dental benefits at re-enrollment time, put us under a different plan with the same insurance company, so now, our dentist is out of network.
5. After having a really, beyond words, bad night and day, I bought and ate two candy
bars while checking out at Target.
#FAIL
#tomorrowsanotherday

What a difference two years makes

We are now celebrating our second son's one month birthday! Welcome to our family Liam Noah Janulewicz!

What a difference a year makes

July 17 2009: I got my period, which officially meant we were not pregnant. It was a Friday and that night, Joe and I spent a lot of time reflecting and truly reconnecting with one another about what we wanted in life. The pain that had consumed us for so long, we almost seemed to come to terms with that night. We decided we would move forward with one more IUI, but then a break was needed. I definitely was losing who I was. I had become so sad.

Our new gluten free diet was working well. We felt really good and clear headed.

On that Saturday, we spent a glorious day together at Water Country. No cell phones...no worries...no stress. We just had each other. We spent the rest of that month having a blast together. We focused on each other and the food we put into our bodies. On July 31st, we had what would be our final IUI, which as we all know produced the son we were meant to have.

As I began this blog entry, Joe came down into the office to tell me how amazingly lucky we are to have such a wonderful son. Joe and I are truly so connected, as I had literally just begun this entry.

This year, July 17, 2010: Our son is napping in his swing and we are reflecting on what a wonderful blessing he is in our lives. A year can bring so much change. We were meant to go through what we went through to have him. It brought Joe and I closer and stronger as a couple. And lets face it, there is only one Maddox and I would not trade him for ANYTHING. He was meant for us, so conception date July 31, 2009 was when we were meant to conceive.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Birth plan?

Our little man has arrived! April 14th, 2010 at 8:52 AM. Maddox weighed 8 pounds 1 ounce and was 19.5 inches long.

Maddox's arrival was not necessarily unexpected on April 14th. We were scheduled for induction on April 14th and admitted to the hospital on the evening of April 13th. An induction was planned based on my blood pressure issues over the remaining 6 weeks of the pregnancy.

Hubs and I had attended many childbirth prep classes and had determined that we really wanted to try and have a natural childbirth. We also had decided though that we would not develop a birth plan, as we felt it can sometimes lead to disappointment should the birth not going according to "plan". Once it was determined that we would be going in for induction, I became doubtful of our desire for a natural childbirth.

So, that evening, I was hooked up to the monitors and settled in to "rest" before the induction in the morning. Dr H would be coming in that morning to break my waters and the Pitocin would begin. That evening was not restful though. I was frustrated because I was not having any contractions (mind you, I had contractions the entire last 6 weeks of the pregnancy) and I was "nearly 1 cm" dilated upon arrival. I was fearful that the birth would be an all day event and extremely nervous that it would end up as a C-section. Not to mention the fact that I was starving and could no longer eat any food- except for those yummy ice chips.

I barely slept. Joe slept peacefully in a reclining rocking chair next to me. I literally had to use the bathroom on the hour, every hour, and needed the nurse's assistance because of the monitors and the IV fluids. At 6:15AM, I started having extreme menstrual cramps. I looked at the monitor, but did not notice anything in terms of contractions. Suddenly my water broke! I started yelling for Joe to wake up. I called the nurse, who came down and confirmed that my water in fact had broken. She checked my dilation, which was now considered between a 1-2 cm.

Side note--SO weird when your water breaks. It was a lot of water!

The nurse needed to call Dr. H for new direction in terms of what he wanted to happen, now that my water had broken on its' own. Dr. H decided that they would move forward with the pitocin a little bit earlier than initially planned. During this time, I was having stronger contractions. At 7:00, with the shift change, they began the administration of the pitocin and checked dilation again...still 1-2 cm. The contractions started getting even stronger. I was trying to tell Joe just how bad they were. For some reason, the monitor literally was not picking up anything as a contraction. He and the nurse probably thought I was crazy. I was asked to rate the pain on a scale of 1-10--I said a 5. Truly, it was like a 20, but looking at the monitor I knew I would seem crazy if I said that. By the way, that contraction belt had to have been broken!

Joe asked if there was any pain relief that I would have. Too early for the epidural and they could not administer IV pain relief because Maddox had fallen asleep.

I had to use the restroom again. Joe told me that he heard a nurse say the night before, that when you have to go to the bathroom, that means it is almost time to push. I snapped at him that it WAS NOT almost time to push, since I was 1-2 cm dilated. The nurse helped me to the bathroom, where I has nothing but the urge to PUSH. I was screaming, like you would not even believe! The nurse asked me not to push and to return to the bed for her to check me. She said, maybe if you are a 3, Dr H will approve the epidural. So, she checked me and said she needed a second opinion and left the room. I cried to Joe that I couldn't do it. The pain was so intense. The two nurses returned and did a check again--looked at each other, then looked at me and said "Yeah, you are 10 cm dilated. DON'T PUSH". In 30 minutes, I had dilated to a full 10 cm!

They immediately started prepping the room and called Dr. H, who had not yet arrived at the hospital. There would be no time for an epidural and Maddox was still sleeping in his little womb. We were going to get our natural birth! I had to breathe through the intense contractions and not push. Dr H arrived at 7:45AM, checked me and instructed the nurse to push with me initially and to call him once the head had descended more. I cried, you're not leaving the hospital right?? He was not...Thank God!

We pushed with the nurse for about 45 minutes and then with the last cycle of pushes, his head was ready and I was instructed to STOP. Let me just say, that is not the easiest thing to do. Everything happened so quickly. They didn't even have enough nurses in the delivery room. It was just Dr H., Sarah our nurse, Joe and I. Once Dr H came in, I still could not push because they needed to replace the iodine cleaning solution with saline because I have an iodine allergy.

We pushed 2 or 3 cycles of pushes with Dr H and then Maddox was here at 8:52 AM. I was in active labor they tell me for 2.5 hours and we pushed for approximately 50 minutes. My writing of this story does not do it justice. I need to say too, that my husband was the ultimate labor coach. I could not have done it without him.

As many of you know, there are pictures that I clearly took right after the birth. I cannot begin to tell you the state of mind I was in right then. I barely remember anything at that point. Neither Joe nor I, remember how I got the camera, since it was in Joe's pocket, but I started taking pictures right away and shocked Dr. H. I even started instructing him to pose. I will surely get teased about that at his office at my 6 week follow up.