I have had a lot on my mind this week. When that happens, I tend to find even more things to think about, which then leaves me feeling a bit overwhelmed. I am just like my grandmother as many would say. I will share a few of my thoughts with you today.
1. Will I be a good mother? This was a tough one for me for a few days this week. I guess I can say it was probably tough for the Hubs too, since he had to reassure me repeatedly. I truly felt overcome with a hopeless and I guess I will say worthless feeling. It was porbbaly just a hormonal issue, but at any rate I really began to question if I was even capable of taking care of baby. What if I cannot soothe him? What if I just don't know what to do? As I have said before, "What if" is not a way to live your life. The truth is I believe that I will be a great mother. I have had wonderful role models in my life and as I have said before as well, I believe being a mother is what I am meant to do in life. Thankfully, I appear to have moved on at this point from that fear.
2. Having additional children: We had difficulty getting pregnant with our precious little miracle. It was an extremely emotional, long, and expensive process. We remain undecided on whether we will ever put ourselves through it again. I am convinced that the fertility medicines "messed with" with my brain a bit. (Or could just be age or baby brain too) I had many questions running through my head, so at my prenatal appointment this week, I spoke with the office about them. Like, CAN we get pregnant on our own? They believe that we can and there is no reason that we would not want to try that way to begin with. Also, we know the gluten trick now too :-) They believe that I should use birth control after the baby is born, which we had decided we would never use birth control again. I guess we need to reconsider this. There are health risks to getting pregnant within the first 18 months after giving birth apparently. DO NOT get me wrong: we would not be TRYING to get pregnant, but it just seemed as though after all the heartache we had gone through getting pregnant, that it would be odd to prevent a pregnancy from happening.
3. New thought that just entered my head: Hubs would hate that I discuss things on this blog. Perhaps I should keep that in mind sometimes.
4. My green eyed monster mentality: I am ALWAYS looking at other people's lives...how come they have this, how come they can do this, what are we doing wrong. Even though I have all I need in life: a loving husband who is my best friend, a beautiful baby on the way, and amazing family, and friends that mean the world to us, I still end up envious of others. A wise woman in my life has been experiencing the same emotions and gained some great perspective this week. She was gracious enough to share it with me as well. I hope that I have overcome and will continue to work on my green eyed monster syndrome. Tune in for my next post for more on my life as a green eyed monster.
5. TAXES---I hate doing them, but they have to get done. That is on my agenda for this weekend.
6. My heart: I am still anxious about what may or may not be wrong with my heart. I do believe though at this point, that my racing heartbeat is heavily connected to stress AND my constant battle with dehydration. Since my prenatal this week, I have been working hard to push fluids and I have noticed a difference in the pounding feeling in my chest. I am still very much so out of breath all day long, but it does not feel like a band is playing on top of my chest!
That's a summary of a majority of my thoughts for the week. All I can say is how lucky I am to have such a great husband who listens to my ramblings and reassures me about everything. We make such an amazing team. If I do say so myself, Maddox is going to be lucky to have us.
Goodnight :-)
2 comments:
Don't worry Steph you'll be a great Mom, every Mom has those moments where she thinks that and also every Mom has those moments where she just needs to walk away from a situation for a few minutes. Just remember that you have a great husband, great family and great friends that will be there for the whole journey to get you through!
A few things have to happen before deciding on more kids, you have to get through this 9 months, you have to have the birth experience and you have to have a few months with Maddox. The most important question for me was would my body be able to handle another pregnancy. I had preeclampsia with Charlotte that was something I was worried about with Lexi, I had restless legs, with Char and also crazy insomnia and I gained weight like I don't know what or how for that matter. Luckily I didn't get preeclampsia with Lexi but I got the restless legs times 100 and they could never figure out what was causing it and the only option I was given to help fix it was narcotics which I turned down big time. I also gained quite a bit but less than with Char. So I question mostly if I could survive another pregnancy. I know you've been having heart/breathing issues so you might want to consider if those will be factors with subsequent pregnancies and if they might be magnified. I'm sure you will have a wonderful birth experience but sometimes its that exact moment that turns women off from having more. And having Maddox around will certainly help you make the decision of having more, lol, you will have some moments of "I don't want another one of these!" and then you'll have moments of "Lets have a million more babies!" Whichever moments you have more of will make the decision! :)
We also choose not to use birth control that stuff makes your body do crazy stuff, its just doesn't seem natural. Luckily breastfeeding is nature's way of spacing babies perfectly, breastfeeding exclusively for the first 6 months is 98-99% effective at postponing pregnancy. When we decide that we are done having kids (hoping for one more down the line, then done!) Travis will be the one to take care of the birth control aspect!
I turn into the green eyed monster sometimes too...and it all seems materialistic (mostly dying for a new car) Guess I just need to get it in check before the littles are old enough to pick up on it, don't want to have spoiled babies!
I don't love taxes but I don't hate them, we use TurboTax so it's easy for us to get done, hopefully doing them soon!
I'm going to let you use our camelbak so you can have water constantly attached to your back and you just keep the straw in your mouth at all times and you'll be good to go! I didn't like drinking all that water because I hated having to go to the bathroom like a million times a day. Luckily that was like the only awesome thing about being pregnant during the summer, I was always thirsty so I didn't have to think about it too much.
Can't wait to see you and Joe in parenting action! :)
First of all I want to say, you are your grandmother's granddaughter!! Holy cow! If you guys didn't have something to worry about, you wouldn't know what to do with yourselves.
Secondly, I have no doubts what so ever about you and Joe being wonderful parents. If you don't have the answer to something (and there will be things you don't know the answer to), you are resourceful and you will find the answer. And if you don't make mistakes, you will be the first parents in history to accomplish that.
There are birth control methods that do not involve taking drugs. Maybe not as sure-safe, but might be worth considering if that's the route you decide to go.
DRINK WATER, DRINK WATER, DRINK WATER!!! I don't know what this camelbak thing is that Aleacia is talking about, but it sounds perfect for you. An IV would be better, but this sounds like the next best thing.
And lastly, I love you, and I am only a phone call and a 10 hour drive away. You have a great support system, and you will be fine.
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